The Way I Miss You

by

[A close friend opened her heart and shared her grieving with us.]

Wiping tears as they streaked down, I re-read the poem I wrote for my late sister, pinned in front of my study desk since 3 years ago. In this journal entry, I allowed grief to re-surface once more, and let it remind me to embrace the essence of pain, joy and losses as part of my life journey.

A copy of the poem in Chinese is reproduced with a brief translation given below.

The Way I Miss You   (Brief translation)

Unexpectedly, my tears would overflow, and my longing for you would surge.
I’m aware of the uncertainties of life, but I’d like to think it should not happen to us.
I’m aware I need to let you go, but why! I can no longer await you.
I pretend. I told them what matters is that we’ve spent some years together.
But I didn’t tell them – my heart is incomplete the moment you left.
I’m helpless. I can’t control the emotions neither my tears.
Braced, I understand that life will go on, but
I also know the overcast in my heart will stay on.

想念你的方式
— 致离去的 姐姐

眼眶决堤 突如其来   鼻头的酸楚  塞满  以为早已抚平的伤怀
刹时间 –  慌乱 , 迷惘 , 无奈。沉寂的思念  又 卷土重来
不是不知道  生命的无常, 只是  一厢情愿 —
那不该发生在我们 身上
不是不知道   应该让你走, 只是  心难受 —
再无法  为你守侯
故作聪明  故作成熟  告诉他们
有缘  与你聚首  便已足够
没说的是  你离去  心头早缺了口!
思念随时来袭   – – 我窒息 我淹没  无力还手
有时候, 让眼泪挂满腮啊
有时候,任它哭湿两支衣袖
再次抬头
墙上挂钟 继续摇摆
身边车子 继续往前开
我清楚
一步一脚印 我还得 继续往前踩
看得开  却
始终拂不去 — 胸口还要再落雨的 阴霾

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