Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

小學生造句

December 9, 2008

 

很有趣的造句!隨著年齡增長,愈發羨慕小朋友能夠如此天真無邪的用語….當然,也 很羨慕這位老師如此幽默的評語,這工作真是享受…

1。題目:一邊….一邊….

小朋友寫:他一邊脫衣服,一邊穿褲子。

老師批語:他到底是要脫還是要穿啊?


2。題目:其中

小朋友寫:我的其中一只左腳受傷了。

老師批語:你是蜈蚣嗎?


3。題目:陸陸續續

小朋友寫:下班了,爸爸陸陸續續的回家了。

老師批語:你到底有幾個爸爸呀?


4。題目:難過

小朋友寫:我家門前有條水溝很難過。

老師批語:老師更難過。


5。題目:又….又…..

小朋友寫:我的媽媽又矮又高又胖又瘦。

老師批語;你的媽媽是變形金鋼嗎?


6。題目:你看

小朋友寫:你看什麼看!沒看過啊?

老師批語:沒看過。


7。題目:欣欣向榮

小朋友寫:欣欣向榮榮告白。

老師批語:連續劇不要看太多了!


8。題目:好吃

小朋友寫:好吃個屁。

老師批語:有些東西是不能吃的。


9。題目:天真

小朋友寫:今天真熱。

老師批語:你真天真。


10。題目:果然

小朋友寫:昨天我吃水果,然後喝涼水。

老師批語:是詞組,不能分開的。


11。題目:先….再….,例題:先吃飯,再冼澡。

小朋友寫:先生,再見!

老師批語:想像力超過了地球人的智慧。


12。題目:況且

小朋友寫:一列火車經過,況且況且況且況且況且況。( 請唸出來)

老師批語:我死了算了。

Crochet

December 27, 2007

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no
secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe
box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. ‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’

‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’

Asylum for the Verbally Insane

September 25, 2007

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
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Letter from son to father

September 24, 2007

認真閱讀一下吧! 作者寫這封信是為了化解他跟爸爸的誤會…. 就因為出門去基隆文化中心看書,沒坐­程車回家被罵. 然後,用累積已久的怨忿, 寫出引經據典還附實驗證明的內容… 說出心裡最真的想法, 真佩服他!

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Humorous signs 2

September 21, 2007

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

At a Proctologist’s door:
“To expedite your visit please back in.”

On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
“Invite us to your next blowout.”

At a Towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

In a Nonsmoking Area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”

At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”

On a Fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”

At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

And don’t forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”

Humorous signs

August 28, 2007

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale……. Cheap……. ….no strings attached .

In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.More The Success, More The Relatives.

In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way.

In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don’t Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother

At A Barber’s Saloon In Detroit:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan:
Don’t Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick … Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off .

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You Sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Humorous Signs

August 16, 2007

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

A Brief Laugh

August 13, 2007

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
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They Walk Among Us

February 13, 2007

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.” For three days the fridge sat there without even one person. Looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: “Fridge for sale $50.” The next day someone stole it.

They Walk Among Us!

(more…)

Signs that may lead to misunderstanding

February 9, 2007

In a restroom: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT 

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In another office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES,
ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)